When one seeks to know the heart of the heavenly Father, laying aside what one thought they knew for the adventure of seeking what He wants you to know about him, interesting things begin to happen. Things you couldn't prepare for or imagine.
When one boldly gives God a timeline and says, "Ok, show me you, and show me you NOW, I'll give you a year," He has a funny way of drawing you in and showing you in a year's time you have only begun to scratch the surface of all he wants to show you about him.
And by then, it's too late, you're in....like Flynn.
All of a sudden seeking God's heart, if you're not careful, becomes a subtle addiction. A good addiction, but still an addiction.
A craving starts and when you want to walk away because He's grabbing your heart and pulling you away from the safe and comfort of your oh so blah and comfortable and boring comfort zone, you get pulled back in because your comfort zone isn't so cozy. In fact, it's rather prickly.
You try to sit in your old comfortable chair and recline in your old comfortable ways telling yourself that you can go back to the way you were BEFORE you started seeking to know him, but in the end, the footrest of your recliner snaps down with a jolt because you have to know more. You have to understand him better, because he has brought up so many more questions that you didn't know you even had when He was in a box and you were safe in your comfort zone.
Words now jump off the pages of stories you thought you knew because you'd heard them over and over and over and over again when the church calendar told you you should hear them, but this time there is something different about them. Something is.........new. And relevant. And, dare I say, exciting.
Your heart is unsettled because the familiar way is dry and tasteless and without spice, lacking dimension or relevance to selfish and self centered and self absorbed you and me.
But when you take the courageous leap to discover the heart of the Father, not just the words that tell of his heart, but His actual abiding in your heart, and you listen and you turn your ear to a voice that once was muffled by the comforts of your recliner and now is clear and loud by the wind breaking open the prison doors of your mind, you begin to crave the whispers and long for the gentle echoes of his wooing gentle voice.
As the treasure hunt for seeking the heart of the Creator of the world and the Savior of all men begins to unfold, taking you in directions you would have never dreamed you would go, to areas you had firmly said, "Never" in the comfortable days, you see the light for your path taking you in the place of greater joy and peace than you had ever experienced in your comfortable yesterday.
It's not without pain, this seeking the heart of the King of Kings, and it is not for the faint of heart either.
As you begin to see the world through the eyes of the Heart who gave up his comfort zone to walk among our world, the paths of suffering start to appear but the addiction of knowing and having to know what the Master would do or say or how he would endure takes your eyes off the suffering that lies ahead and to the side and taking up the tail wind.
You just want to know Him.
You want to know what He means when he says that he delights in showing mercy and kindness and justice and righteousness.
You want to know what it looks like and feels like to see the sin and yet still have great and abiding love for the sinner, especially when the sinner is you.
You want to know how he continues to not turn his eyes from the evil his creation does, when all we who are in comfort want to do is turn away, turn off, unfriend, and unfollow.
Then you will have that moment when you know that out of all the people in the world He is the one who gets you. He is the one who understands you completely. He and he alone sees the whole picture, the hidden as well as what's out there strictly for show.
He knows the real you.
And you're not afraid anymore to realize that he does. (Actually, you are relieved to know that he knows the real you and can't believe he still wants to be with you). You don't scare him away and that's what you don't know until you start seeking his heart.
Religion and rules will always entice you to believe that if the you stray from their paths you will lose His favor. They gang up on your mind telling it you know his love and grace is unending, and bully your heart that has never been convinced. You know with your mind.... but your heart doesn't believe that you know that you know what you know.
So you give up and give in and put up and forget.
But God doesn't.
Mercy, God's heart size mercy, doesn't give up or leave you. His heart is the treasure. His heart is the goal.
You will no longer be comfortable when you start the journey to know the heart of the Father. Not just memorize some verses, but seek to know his heart.
You'll have moments of great joy and celebration and other days and weeks and months, and yes, even years, of great pain and suffering and wondering where he is.
You'll never be the same.
You won't be able to go back to your old ways, but it won't be because you can't go back it will be because you'll no longer want to go back because the new you doesn't quite fit in the the old wineskins. He'll grab and hold your heart so tight that to go back and give up what you learned along the way will be too big a price to pay to be who you were before you sought out his heart.
When you taste and see that the LORD is Good, your addiction for knowing his heart as one that will never leave you will not require you to sit in a recovery circle of anonymous faces, hearts fearful and ashamed. This addiction is allowed and encouraged.
You just have to start. One verse. One prayer. One plea.
Father, help me to know who you are and who I am and who I am not because of who you are.
Really, what do you have to lose?