I would guess there are a lot of people who walk around believing in God but are really mad at God. I knew a few, I've read a lot of stuff written by more than a few who are. They're mad that he lets bad things happen in the world. They're mad that God lets people get sick, hurt, violated, die. They're mad at God for not fixing their own bad behavior. They're mad at God.
Would you agree? Are you one of those mad at God for His failure to do something or for His allowing something to happen in your life and the world that you don't like?
It's ok to admit it. It's actually probably a pretty brave thing to admit. At least you're being honest.
I bet when you do admit those thoughts and beliefs to religious folks you get a lot of pat answers that really make you even more mad. Phrases like: God's ways are not our ways. You shouldn't be mad at God. God works everything for good.
Phrases like those? I'm imagining you probably want to throw up in your mouth a little bit when you hear them.
I've been praying for you, if you're one brave enough to voice these things. And I don't pray for what you may think I pray, that you "see the light" or that you "repent."
No, I don't pray those things because I'm beginning to see this anger at God differently. It's not that you are in darkness and it's not quite the time for repentance. No, I'm starting to see that one can only be angry at someone when the expectation of behavior is not met. In other words, you know God is a big enough God to fix things that need fixing yet He doesn't fix them in the way you think they should be fixed, so this is what makes you mad.
But the kicker is this: You have faith in a big God.
You believe in a God big enough to stop suffering. Otherwise you wouldn't be mad at Him for not ending suffering.
You do. You have a bigger faith than most of us who pray small prayers for suffering to end.
You know God is big enough to stop suffering, but He doesn't, and it frustrates you so you get mad at Him and pout and say dumb things like, "if there really was a God He would _______."
But you know what? That's a pretty big belief in a pretty big God.
See, you pretend that if God would do everything God is capable of doing then you would follow Him. Then you would trust Him. Then you would believe in Him. But the thing is, you are giving yourself a condition to trust Him so that you don't have to publicly trust Him. Because you know what scoffers like you think of Christians. And that's what makes you afraid, afraid enough to cover it with anger.
But you believe in how big and capable He is otherwise you wouldn't be so mad at Him.
Aren't you getting tired of being mad at Him?
If you would redirect that anger into actually seeking a relationship of peace with Him instead of anger, that big and capable God may start showing you some really cool things about His power right smack dab in your own life.
I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe you like living the way you're living. If you're always blaming God and being mad at Him then you are released from any responsibility of blame for the way the world is right now.
If you keep waiting for a powerful God, what is it that some of you say, "If God is so good and so loving....", if you keep waiting to see good and loving acts without ever getting over your anger enough to ask Him for them in your own life, it keeps you from responsibility.
It's so much easier to criticize those who don't blame God and just give the phrases that make you cringe. It's a lot harder to put up and shut up and trust in the God you already know is capable of making things better.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm seeing this wrong.
But I really do think that your anger is based on a deeply rooted belief that there is Someone bigger than all of us out there. It's just easier to be mad at that Someone than to trust that Someone.
The sky won't fall if you think about this. The world won't end if you concede just a smidge that I may have a point.
But I sure pray you throw these thoughts into your pot, stir them around, and taste them.