But once you let go something happens to the soul. Something settles over the spirit and the mind. Something allows you to take a deep breath and say, "ahhhhhhhhh."
There's a new freedom that comes with letting go of the deceit of who you really are. It's a freedom you will taste and begin to hunger for. It's a freedom that will get shot at, it will get made fun of, it will get criticized. The first taste of freedom will forever be on your spiritual heart and you will remember the moment forever when the fingers let loose of controlling everything and everyone around you and you just let go, free falling into the arms of mercy.
I wish we could all be alcoholics and go to meetings and stand up and say, "I'm Ronda, and I'm......." The peace and community and comfort and safety they have to be able to let go and let God is something we all need. It's something we all crave.
It takes a lot of energy to lie to yourself, doesn't it?
Like an alcoholic needing a drink to calm him or herself is the liar needing to lie to cover up who they are or what they've done or who they want the world to think they are.
Letting go. Leaving. Going away from what or who you were to become who you are meant to be is the hardest part.
Your problems won't go away. People will still think you are the old you and look for evidence of the same, but they'll see less and less of that person as you face your problems in a new way, with a new purpose, with a new King on the throne of your heart.
And that taste of freedom will never leave your tongue. It will be the force that keeps you going.
I remember the day, the moment, the second I truly felt free and I've never forgotten it.
It beats in my heart when I'm battling the list of sins that plague my mind and soul. When I want to give in and say, "you're right, I am that person, who am I trying to kid?"
But then, I remember what it felt like to let go and I stand up and shout, "NO! Not again! You won't win! Jesus, help me!"
And there He is, all along, just waiting to be asked for help. He's got an apron on and a kettle with a big ladle in his hand and He pours on a bigger helping of freedom on my plate and says to me, with a smile and a wink, "there's more where that came from."
It's not over till it's over. The battles will rage, the harassment of my soul and your soul will continue, but He's there through them all. Filling me with freedom. Filling you with freedom, heaping YOUR plates, OUR plates with FREEDOM.
Get your forks ready! Dinner is served!