Thursday, September 26, 2013

Rocky paths aren't always roadblocks, they're just rocky

When I visited Israel in 2005 one of the sights that most impressed me was the number of rocks there are there.  Rocks in the fields, rocks on the paths, rocks everywhere.  Several, almost all, of the sites we visited were accessed by walking on very rocky paths.  So rocky that most of my time was spent looking down, watching where I was stepping rather than looking up to see the sites around me.  A lot of the rocks were unseen from a distance, covered by beautiful grass and fields of wildflowers, but it took great caution no matter how easy the path appeared from the distance, to make sure I didn't trip on a rock jutting out along a grass path.

Right now we're living in a new but old place.  Even though I'm familiar with the "roads" I'm still finding that I am on some rocky ground, familiar, but unfamiliar.  Maybe it's just because after a fast spring and summer of super speed sorting, packing, moving, unpacking, sorting again, and now we've stopped, Fast.  On a dime.  That maybe why I'm feeling less firm in my footing.

The familiar is not so familiar, the changes really are different.

Maybe that's why it all happened so fast, rip the band-aid to make the pain over faster rather than slowly lift the adhesive off the skin being careful to not pull on hairs.

I'm not unhappy or disappointed that our lives turned upside down, I'm just a little......mmmm....disjointed?

Now what?

I'm finding I have to watch where I'm walking, even though the paths are familiar, they're different.  An almost thirty year absence brought changes to everything I knew and everyone I know.

It's not bad.  It's just....different.

And a little sad.  No, maybe a lot sad.  No, maybe a medium sad, mixed with joy, still.  Where I thought we would be is now not where we are.  And where we were isn't where we were supposed to stay, so here we are.  Walking an old but new path. 

Until we find our places here, our routines, our purpose, I think I'll be looking for rocks in my way as I go along, but I'll be sure to be looking for the wildflowers along the way too.


Me sitting in a pretty field of grasses and wildflowers in Israel.  Don't let the pretty fool you!  The rocks are there!

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